The Visit

A poem

Our car slows and turns left on the road that ends in a cul-de-sac
At once, I am thirteen, racing towards the end of the lane
praying this time I’ll make it to the stop before the bus leaves.
We continue along the asphalt, and I am eleven, rollerblading the very same terrain—
hitting balls with a stick and wondering if the neighbor kid likes me.

We bump up the curve to the driveway, and I am eight sitting criss-cross applesauce in the intersecting lines of concrete,
repeating memory work aloud to the birds in the trees and the ants at my feet.
Out back my eyes sweep over the perimeter of the yard,
and I’m eight years old rushing between bushes, escaping captors, sailing seas, and building a house out of sticks.

After lunch we walk around by the garden, and I’m fifteen, clutching my knees on top of the shingled roof of a shed—
praying, hoping, crying, and dreaming.
Inside I walk upstairs to the bathroom,
and I’m a ten-year-old staring at my reflection whispering, “Three. More. Years. ”

I hear a noise from down the hallway, and as I walk into the room
I am fourteen sprawled out on a daybed with a purple receiver to my ear
singing duets of pop ballads with my best friend across the line.
Hours later, we head back to the car, and I’m seventeen, independent or something, and headed to meet my friends at the mall.

It all feels seamless,
all unchanged.
Yet a slight veil hovers over every step across the grass, carpet, and tile flooring.

After goodbyes, our car backs again into the cul-de-sac.
I reach behind me and push the pacifier back in my daughter’s mouth, then touch my husband’s hand.
As we pull down the lane, I spot the leafy arms of the maples and oaks muffling the negative spaces between the homes of suburbia.
My breath catches with the realization—

Somewhere along the way, the trees had grown.

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My book comes out next month! If you’re interested in finding out about the ways our hobbies bring us to worship, I’d be honored if you’d check out Created to Play: How Taking Hobbies Seriously Grows Us Spiritually. (You can even download the first chapter today!)